“I am not my emotions”

Project Description:

Emotions are one of the many things in this world that can make a person feel on top of the world, and can create a smile so big a person can radiate. However, emotions can leave you in agony, emotions can leave you wallowing in such pain that you wish you were numb.

Emotions are a double edged sword; a double edge sword I try my best to avoid. Everyone loves to be happy, I’ve never met a person who doesn’t. However, being sad and upset is another story. Emotions are natural, having emotions is normal. Yet, I find myself in a fight against nature. I’ve never been one to be comforted in a situation of despair, a slight touch when tears run down my face makes me sour; because crying is weak.

Crying does nothing but re-iterate the fact that something is wrong. A lot of people view emotions; crying especially as beautiful, a necessity even, yet I view emotions as a problem. When I cry my tears turn to self-loathing, I don’t ever want to feel helpless. I don’t ever want to recognize that I am in emotional pain. When tears of hurt stream down my face my mind screams “suck it up,” “you’re hopeless,” “crying solves nothing,” “why are you so emotional, ” “you’re embarrassing yourself.” No matter how I am comforted or reassured, in my eyes crying is never okay; it is unacceptable. I’d rather be numb; a hollow shell.

However, that’s who I am, I am an emotional person. I feel every emotion with intensity. I fall in love too fast and too hard, I get attached to a person too easily, I feel other people’s pain as my own. When I am happy I radiate, and when I am angry I am my own worst enemy. I fight who I am. Emotions are who I am. Emotions make us all human and they make me human. Emotions; especially crying lets me know that I am alive, and that I can feel. It is time to acknowledge what makes me human.