I’ve always struggled to fit in. For my whole life people have made fun of me and told me I wasn’t good enough, and after hearing it so many times I started to believe it. I let the words of others hurt me and I started to get anxiety attacks. I found out 2 years ago that I have OCD and ADD. It had been a rough road up until then; my dad had been depressed for a long time and my family had been struggling to make ends meet for as long as I could remember.
I never really had time to focus on myself. One day I caught myself pulling out my hair. I was fascinated with it, how it grew, the way it felt between my fingers, the feeling I got as it left my scalp. I was so ashamed of myself for doing it, but at the same time I never wanted to stop. When I’d pull, the anxiety that had once controlled my every move went away, and everything felt fine.
It became my dirty little secret; I knew it was wrong, but I had to do it anyways. I lost all the hair on the top of my head, and that was when I realized it couldn’t be a secret anymore. I was so sad because I felt different from everyone else. Nobody understood why I was bald. I told my parents and they got me help. I’ve been seeing a counselor and have been working really hard to overcome this. i have a hairpiece that I wear to keep me from pulling.
I’ve made it 20 days without pulling a single strand, and I’m determined to fright this off completely. I am not my hair pulling. I finally realize that I am more than that.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I can overcome this.